Off the Grid communities

In preparation for my upcoming anthropological adventures on Off-The-Grid Communities, I wanted to share with you all this intriguing interview and article about one man's story.

Starting next month, I will begin taking trips to Off-The-Grid communities in an effort to understand the culture, or subculture these people have created. Until I can travel and make more connections, I will be starting at the nearby community: Slab City. There I will go, with my violin, to create a haven for my curiosities and become accepted by the community. As a true anthropologist, I will not be an observer from the sidelines, but instead will try and become a participant. I will not truly be able to find what I seek until I can actually live off the grid for a period of time, at least the better part of a year. When that time comes, I will be ready to live a minimal lifestyle with little connection to the reality and world I have called home for 25 years.
















I often fantasize about living a natural, minimal lifestyle with little possessions. But on the other hand, I dream of exploring space, and a world where we advance exponentially, where tomorrow becomes today, and there are no limits to what we can do.

According to this article, the purpose is to find balance. But is that possible? Both worlds are extreme. Can you live a simple, natural life, while still keeping up with advancements and supporting future endeavors? Is this new subculture of "wildcrafters" going to hinder our success if it continues to spread infectiously? It seems to me that only positive, wonderful consequences can come from throwing out the clutter in your life and living a more peaceful existence. Yet if you dream of space exploration, technology, and he advancement of society, how does this way of living support that?

THIS is the balance I wish to achieve. I would love to have both, but How?

My favorite excerpt from this interview is when he states:

"

It was a beautiful thing, all that simplicity, because there was this whole new freedom. In my simplicity there was actually expansion because if you take away the clutter, you're left with this wide-open canvas of creativity and possibility. Those are times where you can find your own inspiration, your own purpose and authenticity, and express yourself from there. And it may be for other people that they would go into that situation and think about it completely differently than I did. But I think that once you've gone into this well of solitude and silence, it's hard to just live a superficial life. You'd maybe continue in the same path but do things a little differently."

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/11/08/1914819/meet-the-man-who-lived-in-a-one.html#ixzz152gU4LNO

Poetry - by Tallulah

I cant believe Today happened

I cant believe yesterday occurred

I cant even fathom what will happen

tomorrow and what I will learn



I am glad I am not afraid anymore

If I was,I wouldn’t be here

It is about time I won this war

The battle between me and fear



For so many life is stagnant

Repetitious and dull

For me every minute holds wonder

And every moment is full



Each day I greet

What knowledge will I meet

What understanding will I embrace

Not a moment I can waste



My heart it fills with joy

When I envision all I can be

All the change I can make

The many ways to be free



Freedom is a journey

One of many burdens

Its easier to be cozy

For that, most are certain



But if you take the step

Towards liberation and life

You will eventually see

You can live without strife



Let go if your fears

Let your dreams thrive

Don’t stop imagining

Towards the future you must strive



Look into the eyes of a stranger

See the love and fright

They are just like you

At the end of the night



They lay in bed and wonder

Ask when and where and why

No matter who they are talking to

At the end they let out a sigh



Cuz No one really knows

But we all feel the same

We all feel insecurity

Greed and pride and shame



That stranger is no better

No worse or no less

Like you they suppress

Caress and and impress





Be rare, and be empowered

Be weird, never cower

At those who look down

Although they may frown



They smile inside

They admire your way

Wish everyday

They could explore and play



Their face hides a truth

That they wish they could reveal

That if they had a choice

Your life they would steal



They never felt the triumph

Of overcoming fear

Emerging from the box

Watching the haze became clear



I cant even recall

That life I once had

I used to be impatient

Troubled and sad



Now I am curious

A new person each hour

Never the same

Always gaining power



I have mastered this phase

But I have much to learn

This chapter has ended

For a new beginning I yearn



I have conquered fear

Yet anticipate challenges to come

Ill never forget who I was

Or where I came from



As I leave this place behind

And find a new path

I will continue to love and live

To connect, cry, and laugh



Ill never stop growing

Until the day I die

When I take my last breath

Ill know I am ready to fly



Until then I explore and cherish

To live until I perish

Love my spirit

Ill spread and share it



More energy and fire

Of this journey I cant tire

My own odyssey and ending

The destination pending



Mystery taunting

Memories daunting



But I know ill make it

Even if I have to fake it

This life is mine

For me to define



Tomorrow holds promise

Because of that fact

That my own rules are set

And my convictions intact



Who will ever know me?

I change every day

Never the same

Do I stay



Every morning my reflection is a stranger

Every night I feel I made a new best friend





Tomorrow is a question

Today is an answer

Jam session + poetry under the stars

Open mic, but without a mic and sign up sheet. Under a beautiful mural at the Beach, a perfect breeze and a glorious Moon.

Souls from all walks of life came together to celebrate the moment, the expression, and the unique energy formed by emotion and creativity. Most importantly, an openness to learn and to grow and explore.

There were Djembes, drums, guitars, and violins. There were troubled words, and words of inspiration and joy. There was laughter, and even tears. It was intimate and close.

Earlier I had talked to my new friend on the phone and we both decided that the night held magical things, that we would create for ourselves a warm circle of energy. Its amazing that it was manifested itself its our lives.

Humanity.

Sadistic and selfish

Yet these moments happen, and you see that humans are such emotional and soulful creatures.

All of these amazing experiences are a result of a door opening, a door that was opened by overcoming my fears. So many adventures and opportunities are available to me now because I have freed myself from the prison that I clung to for so long: My fears.

Time and worry melted away in this place, in this circle of warmth that we created tonight. It was a place where nobody twittered, but instead lived in the moment. We went on well past Midnight, the peacefulness of the night a soundtrack to our perfect moment.

As the last of the candle flickered, its fire fading into the darkness, a slow, yearning melody played from my violin, as we all felt the approaching emptiness that would follow our separation.


*************************************

If you are interested in attending this magical event, it will now be occurring every Wednesday Evening in Long Beach. Following the Open Mic night at the infamous Portfolio's Cafe on 4th and Junipero, we all go down the street to Cherry and Ocean. Down the Bluff there is a big mural, and that is where we will be. Or, just follow the sound of the music. 10PM - Midnight.

Bring your words, music, or just your positive energy.

We Welcome All.

Victory

I don't know why I'm here

All I know is

I wasn't meant to Fear

My Life is such a ride

But it's bumps have

Left me so much Pride

Everytime I overcome

Its just one more battle

I have Won

The more I leave the dark behind

The more I find

my Dreams Unwind

Overcoming Fear- First Open Mic Night!

I am so high on life I can hardly focus right now. I have spent years living amongst fear and insecurity, building my own walls to keep me from doing what I truly love. I have played the violin for 14 years, but I have been playing from the soul for 4 or 5. I have been to so many open mics, events, jam sessions, and other opportunities where I am too afraid to just play in front of people. I have always prided myself on not caring what others think, but the reality was that I DID.

Until Tonight.

Something about today was just magical. The Stars were aligned. My class was canceled. I woke up to a beautiful, gray morning, a refreshing change from the recent warm days. I Knew that it was Time.

I spent the hours beforehand trying to talk myself into it. I posted my fears on facebook so I would be accountable. I heard much needed words of wisdom and encouragement from my Mentor. Finally, I had no choice but to just go.

On the way I grabbed a shot of Captain Morgan from the store, and played Eminem's "Lose Yourself" on repeat. Right before going inside I took my shot, stalled a bit, started my car to go home, then shook my head and left the safety of my car.

I ordered a Yerba Mate tea, which effectively produced a calming, warming sensation. Several people expressed excitement at having a violinist play at open mic. Others could tell I was an open mic "virgin" and encouraged me. I asked the girl with the list of there were any spots, she said there most certainly were spots, and handed me the list to sign my name. The moment of Truth.

Of Course I signed my name. I may have been ridden with fear, but when it comes down to the Moment Of Truth, I never back down. No way I will let fear rule my life forever, and it was Now or Never.

I stepped outside to tune my violin, and heard a few yell, "Dont run away!" I talked to a couple guys who played Djembe and Guitar. They were awesome and totally eased my fears. Then, my violin went drastically out of tune and I panicked. I thought about going home. I took a deep breath, repeated cheesy Star Wars quotes to myself regarding "The Force" and managed to tune my violin. Then, my name was called.

As I went to the small stage, I heard someone yell that I was an Open Mic Virgin, and everyone cheered and shouted words of encouragement. I made some joke about imagining them all naked, and someone shouted, "NICE!" I set up my poetry and plucked my strings to test it out.

(The poetry I read are the 2 poems in the last 2 posts I wrote. I combined them, then separated them into sections. I improvised on the violin in between the sections.)

My Intro began, deep and dark, my violin mourning and crying the tears I felt deep inside as I realized I was about to express something so deep and personal to these people. Not just the depth of my words, but the depth of my soul. My fears melted away and were replaced with passion and life.

I know my words were shocking. I was telling these people about past abuse, about wanting someone to be taken from the earth for the pain I felt, about how it feels to be so hurt and feel so worthless. I was also expressing my triumph and my desire to fly and be free. By sharing those feelings, along with overcoming my fear, I really felt true liberation from the past, and I felt I could truly end a chapter in my life that had been haunting me for so long.

The words cut through the still air. My notes and my music poured from my soul. I desperately wanted these people to feel how I felt through my music. I wanted them to feel the pain, bitterness, and triumph. And I feel that they did. I connected with them. I heard deep breaths when the words were intense and yet people clapped a rhythm as my violin sung melodies of victory and passion. I felt like my whole life had condensed into that One Moment, my brief 3-5 minutes on a stage, before people with open minds and open hearts, receiving my message with joy and intensity.

Afterward they applauded and cheered and I felt like I was walking on clouds. People spoke to me about jamming, or other events, or collaborating. It was my dream come true. I found my people. I found the expressive, passionate, open-minded people I had been seeking, and they were hiding right under my own fears.

The best part of the night was when my new friends asked me to come jam with them outside. We did a spontaneous, improv jam session. It was a couple amazing drummers, a guitar and me on the violin. It was amazing and sounded like a passionate and beautiful gypsy-like, primitive celebration of life and of the moment. I felt we were vibing and feeling the music. As one would change the others would adjust. The music ebbed and flowed, climaxing and spiraling and stimulating. People watched, and they felt it, and so it was Awesome.

I hardly remember driving home I was so giddy with excitement. I feel as if a whole new chapter has opened for me, full of opportunity and connections and positive light. I feel like a transformation took place in those few moments up there on stage.

Life is so big and so complex, but the most incredible changes happen in just a moment. Lives are changed with one decision. Realization and enlightenment happens in the blink of an eye.

Fear is so powerful in that it keeps so many from experiencing true happiness. Fear paralyzes us and imprisons us. I know I will feel Fear again, but I will be that much stronger at overcoming it now that I have done this.

My violin is so incredible precious and dear to me. I love it for giving me an outlet to express my intense emotions. Words will never be enough. Words will never EVER be enough. My violin and I shall travel the World together, bringing music to all and sharing positive energy and hope. We will mourn together and rejoice together. Together my violin and I can change the world an change lives. As you can see I feel Invincible right now!!!! There is no greater High than overcoming fear and proving to yourself that you can do amazing things.

Above everything I am grateful to my Nonni, who is always with me in my heart for every note. Although she rests in peace, her spirit lives on and brings me power and joy. She inspired me to play violin at age 10, and I will never ever pick up my bow without seeing her smile and hearing her say to me with a chuckle, "You really are something else!"

VERY interesting article on Subculture!

WOW had you any idea there were so many Subcultures, especially among our youth?

This article is incredible at describing the various "Tribes" that are common in young people, including Emo, ravers, and shit I have never even heard of.

The NEW Subcultures


I need to make friends in each of these Subcultures. I need to see what this is about and record my findings.

The Emo, The SuperGeek, The Jock Dolly, The Gangsta, The Punk Lite, The Glamazon, The Hipster, and The Techno Boho.

Music and Expression

The American Music Award show was on this past weekend. I ventured out of my cave this morning to find complete outrage over a few particular performances, and just an abundance of opinions and negative remarks floating around.

When did we become such a judgmental and close-minded society? When did Music become an entity which is defined and categorized by rigid rules? When did self-expression become Taboo?

I cringe when I hear someone say that another's music is crap, or "it sucks." That is simply their perspective, and their interpretation of the sound.

Each performance has a message, and for each person that message is different. For some, the message is not for them.

It is just sounds. Words, emotion, and thoughts in the form of sound.

It derives from our yearning to express more than just common dialogue and words. It comes from deep within, from our creativity, from our imprisoned emotions.

It is that Human gift to Feel and to Yearn and to Love.

My Moment in Time

I DID IT!!

I overcame my Fear of rejection and I let go of the insecurities holding me back.

I made my Street Debut last night, as promised.

Lets back up a bit..............

This past weekend I attended the Millionaire Mind Intensive by T. Harv Eker. It was an intense, enlightening 3 day Seminar which included various techniques for getting in touch with your demons, shedding your childhood programming, ridding your mind of negative thoughts, and learning the ways of The Force.

The Seminar enabled you to learn and train your Jedi powers, while gaining valuable knowledge about wealth and money. One process helped us learn to overcome our fear.

Please visit www.peakpotentials.com if you are interested in similar endeavors.

Here are some ways I have changed since this weekend:

1. I no longer resent rich people.
2. I will become a rich person so I can live my dreams
3. I have drastically improved my ability to socialize, and at the same time I have shed some of the inhibitions that keep me from living my life, acting silly, and meeting interesting and diverse people.
4. I have come to terms with my deepest demons and faced them so that I may love myself more and allow myself the freedom to live without baggage.
5. I have realized the negative thoughts that hold me back, and I have replaced them with kick-ass thoughts
6. I have learned tools and techniques to avoid muddling my mind
7. I have tasted "the secret" and the process of manifestation.

8. I have gained the strength to overcome my fears

That last one is BIG.

I am a Violinist. My Dream is to play. I want to play in the world, in the streets, in the public.

I want to be the soundtrack to your Moment. I want to be the pretty melody over car horns and urban chaos. I want to inspire people as I have been inspired by the free-spirited street musicians I have encountered in my past. I want to be in the midst of the action, yet in my own perfect zone, just me and my notes.

For years my fears and insecurities have kept me from reaching this dream.

Near the end of the Seminar we broke through our fears by breaking an arrow with our throat. On my arrow was written my fears. I will never forget the absolute triumph I felt after hearing that "Snap."

Full of Energy and pure joy, I decided to share with the rest of the Seminar my fear and what I would do to overcome it. I took the mic and told everyone that I would be playing my Violin on Pine St. and Ocean next weekend. I was then told by the speaker that I should do this sooner. The next day, 7 PM, Pine and Ocean.

I agreed, and made a promise to the Universe, and to Myself, that it was time to end this, and start a new beginning.

The World is MY Playground, this is MY Life, and damn it, I want to play my violin out on the street.

So I did.

Yes I was nervous most of the day, and I spent quite some time listening to the top 40 most Inspirational songs ever, including but not limited to:

"Final Countdown" - Europe
"Lose Yourself" - Eminem
"Alive" - Celine Dion
"Chariots of Fire"

And the beautiful song I had the pleasure of experiencing in unifying bliss at the Seminar: "Moment in Time" by Whitney Houston.

Finally the moment came. I donned my electric blue fishnets and placed the broken arrow in my violin case. I gathered my 2 best friends (who are so amazing and supportive) and found the perfect spot on Pine/Ocean, right in front of the Convention Center.

I stalled while rosining my bow, and then..................I just played.

I played from my heart and soul. I played what I felt like playing. I played what I felt represented the moment.

Sure I messed up at times. It did not matter because the joy of playing in Downtown of my hometown, with the fresh Autumn air kissing my cheek, was intoxicating. The city lights as my background, the urban shuffle, and then the notes of a violin ringing through the air.

I was there. I was not confined to my home, with walls surrounding me. There were people, strangers, walking by. A few watched. A Parking attendant almost gave me a ticket. It was Amazing.

I felt the fear slip away, and I laughed at the silliness of it all.

As Promised I have provided footage of the event. Below are videos of my Street Debut.

Next Mission? Same spot, but on a Friday or Saturday night.

Footage:

**If you have trouble viewing you can go to my Video Bar (On the Left) to see the Youtube versions. There are 3 videos here, but there are more on my Youtube channel. *

Preparation

Tallulah Jammin!!!!

A Beautiful moment--Playing Meditation

Flaneuring: My new fave activity

Flaneuring: Psychogeograpcial Derive.

How to Flaneur:

1. Stroll
2. Observe
3. Take pictures

-------

Sometimes Ill be driving, and I wish I was walking.
Sometimes Ill see a dark corner or interesting bench, and I just want to sit there.
Why don't I sit there? Perhaps I am too busy, or on my way somewhere. Perhaps I feel it is a waste of my time to sit in some random spot, just for the sake of sitting.

My perspective has been altered. I have found a new appreciation for simply walking, sitting, and observing. There is a whole world happening. I may not be able to see it all right now, but I CAN see what is happening, over here, at this moment. You do not need to go to a museum to see beauty, nor do you need to look at magazines or browse the internet. There is beauty everywhere, if you simply look. Look closely and you will see a tree. Look closer and you will see the marks in the tree left by people who noticed it before you. Look even closer, and you will appreciate the texture and design of the bark, and you will love the tree for all of its years and all of its glory.

Below is a link to the article that I read which inspired me to sit in those spots that I wonder about and walk the streets that seem so dull and boring. What I have discovered, is that there is very little that is boring about this world and this life. I have included some photos taken from some of my Flaneuring adventures. I encourage you to go for a walk and take along a camera.

You may look at your pictures a day later and think they are ridiculous or boring. However I guarantee that you will not be thinking that when you notice the object you are shooting and capture that moment in time. In the end, you may end up with interesting photos. Or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is meditation, appreciation, and observation of life.

http://www.mookychick.co.uk/travel/flaneur.php "

[The street photographer] is roving and impassioned, preserving the least traces, the changing reflections, the course of things, the movement of the city, the confessions, antipathies, and admirations of the crowd."

Photography I

I would not call myself a photographer, professional, or even an amateur. However, I do love to capture moments and interesting things with my camera. These are few random pics I took in my room.

Too much Human

We are always much more Human than we wish to be.
A recurring theme
the burden of feelings
when so much is to be learned

--

The day is filled with thoughts and distractions
The night brings the quiet reminder
of what is lost
and to be gained

--

That sense of worth
that comes with a human's arms

--

The tingle of lips gently on my face
is a feeling I can not describe

--

We are Always much more Human than we wish to be

Hopeless Expectations

I expected to be guided
I teach myself
I expected to be comforted
There is only solitude
I expected to indulge my deepest fantasies
They remain fantasies
I expected a dream to come true
the dream has vanished
I expected chills and thrills
instead disappointment
I expected recognition
Instead I am ignored
I expected Happiness

The Almost Girl

Thats me, im the almost girl.
Im almost Sane
almost Happy
almost Beautiful

Just not quite there yet

I make almost good decisions
And reach almost rock bottom

But i always get back up

I almost Died
Almost Lived
Almost threw Everything away

But im here now

i have almost friends
and almost enemys
and it almost doesn't even matter to me

I have been almost in love
almost completely heartbroken
but thats OK

cuz im livin an almost life
but this is an almost world

whether we admit it or deny it
theres always that one little thing
that would make us complete or all the way empty

But its better to live almost
Then, we always have something to live for.



***Written when I was coming out my depression phase I had in 2005. I saw it in my LiveJournal and thought it was cute, and it reminded me of how far I have come. I totally suck at poetry but I remember being semi-proud of this one, because it captured exactly what I felt at that time in my life.....

The High C says it All.

As a child I used to watch Opera with Nonni all the time. Because of her, I have an intense appreciation for Opera and Classical music. Because of her, I play the Violin today, and aspire to be the best musician I can be. We have cried together many times, as the high Cs of Pavarotti touches our deepest emotions, and the sound of his booming, magnificent vocal chords resonate within our souls.

If I could choose something that would represent the most Passioniate, triumphant, and emotional moments of my life, it would be the the sound of the Human Voice at its peak, the sound of a Human investing every ounce of his energy and feeling into a single, Majestic note. This, my friends, is what Life is about for me. When I hear those voices, I just remember the Beauty of Life, the cherished moments, and the extraordinary abilities and complexities of the Human Being.

The Never-Ending Journey (Continued)----Down the Rabbit Hole

We have all been curious, at one time or another, to delve into the mysterious world of the Rabbit Hole. The Rabbit Hole is an elusive place, filled with curiosity, and Lost Dreams. You know, those Dreams you chase and chase, always thinking you are so close, but you can never quite grasp it. They are quick to slip from your fingers, and despite your persistence, you never reach the ultimate Goal.

What would you do if you caught the Rabbit? Would you finally be satisfied and comforted, and live the rest of your days in Peace? Would you?

Oh the delights of the Rabbit Hole. A world full of sadistic desires and hellish fantasies. A world where there is never one answer, and every question is rhetorical. How far can you go?

A world where pain is pleasure and pleasure means nothing. You can no longer hide from your Mind, and every thought is free to fall prey in the hands of the psychic Vampires. You have eliminated the barriers and limits that have controlled your insignificant Life for so long, and you are Free to explore this world; But Beware. How much can you Take?

With exploration comes elimination of fear. To turn back, means regaining the Fear you have already overcome.
By now you can experience the Madness for yourself. Everything is Silly. You Laugh. Its Hysterical, this place.
Everything is Tragic. You weep. All is gone.

Do you remember why you came here? Do you remember what it was like to be Pure and Free, and True? Were you ever that way?
Its dark down here, and lonely. There is no trace of the Moon's light, and the Shadow is a distant memory, long forgotten, a source of comfort that never really existed. It was a Child's creation, it was a false hope, it was a Lost Dream.
In the cold, dark distance, I can hear the Rabbit's evil chuckle, Laughing at me.

The Never-ending Journey to Nowhere Pt1.

There is a dark cloud over my life. I am walking along a strange path in the dark part of the forest, a path that few enter. If I face danger, I have my weapon of Lies to shield me. Outside I seem brave, but inside I feel vulnerable and hesitant. I continue to walk down the strange path, the path that no one enters. I am alone, and I may as well get used to it, as I doubt I will encounter another human being here.

I hate this. I hate wandering in the dark, unsure if I will ever reach my destination. I hate the shield that I must carry, it is so heavy and it is a burden I wish to discard.
I chose this Path to escape the suffering. Although, I can still hear it....smell it...even taste it. Sometimes I taste blood in my mouth, and I must stop myself from running the other way, back towards the world I used to know. And other times, I crave the blood, as if I never really escaped at all.

When I first started this journey, I can recall seeing a shadow out of the corner of my eye. With a flicker of Hope I ran towards it, hoping to find some sort of solace from this shadow. Perhaps I do not have to walk this Path in solitude afterall. Yet the shadow vanished and I told myself I must be hallucinating.

The shadow returned that night while I slept, and for that night I felt safe. Only I did not see the Shadow with my own eyes, because it was too dark of course. My Mind knew that the Shadow was there.

Now that I am walking along, with the Moon leading the way, I feel a deep ache. One day, the Moon came out and never left. I have not seen the light in I don't know how long. I begin to panic. When will the Darkness lift? How will I ever see the Shadow (if such a thing existed) if there is no light? Of course, everyone knows that you can only see a shadow when there is light. I continue to follow the moon, hoping it will begin to fade away and light will appear.
I begin to Lose Hope. Obviously it has always been this Dark, as I do not even remember what color the Trees are supposed to be. Perhaps the light, this phenomenon called the "Sun" does not really exist, perhaps it was always in my mind, just as the Shadow was. I begin to grow weary and lost.

At times I think I can feel the Shadow. I begin to feel hate and anger, and I crave the taste of Blood. I begin to think that I have begun a journey on a Path which has no end. As I walk, the Moon stays in the same place. It never gets closer. The Dark never fades. I dream of a day when the Trees will open, the Webs will be cleared, and I can see the colors of the world. I remain in a cursed place. This forest is cursed, and everything around me is cursed. I have already passed several bodies from those who could not finish. I wonder if those people saw the Shadow as well.
Some may say that it is enchantment. The enchanted forest. Ha! Those are the people on the other side. Those are the people who take the shortcuts, the routes with flowers floating through the air and Unicorns prancing about.

As I tear through the Webs and bear my Shield of Lies, I tell myself that it wont be much longer, soon my Moment will come. The trees will fade away in to the most beautiful scene I can imagine. I will finally find what I have been seeking. I will fling the Heavy Shield from my arms, wipe the rest of the webs from my face, cleanse myself in the Lake of Clarity, and bask in the Radiant Sun. I will let its Rays of Light consume my body. I will Finally know that the Shadow is not just a Dream.

At least, thats what I keep telling myself, as I continue down this dreary and dark path, desperately attempting to grasp ever bit of Beauty I can, with my Shield of Lies and Tangle of Webs.