Jam session + poetry under the stars

Open mic, but without a mic and sign up sheet. Under a beautiful mural at the Beach, a perfect breeze and a glorious Moon.

Souls from all walks of life came together to celebrate the moment, the expression, and the unique energy formed by emotion and creativity. Most importantly, an openness to learn and to grow and explore.

There were Djembes, drums, guitars, and violins. There were troubled words, and words of inspiration and joy. There was laughter, and even tears. It was intimate and close.

Earlier I had talked to my new friend on the phone and we both decided that the night held magical things, that we would create for ourselves a warm circle of energy. Its amazing that it was manifested itself its our lives.

Humanity.

Sadistic and selfish

Yet these moments happen, and you see that humans are such emotional and soulful creatures.

All of these amazing experiences are a result of a door opening, a door that was opened by overcoming my fears. So many adventures and opportunities are available to me now because I have freed myself from the prison that I clung to for so long: My fears.

Time and worry melted away in this place, in this circle of warmth that we created tonight. It was a place where nobody twittered, but instead lived in the moment. We went on well past Midnight, the peacefulness of the night a soundtrack to our perfect moment.

As the last of the candle flickered, its fire fading into the darkness, a slow, yearning melody played from my violin, as we all felt the approaching emptiness that would follow our separation.


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If you are interested in attending this magical event, it will now be occurring every Wednesday Evening in Long Beach. Following the Open Mic night at the infamous Portfolio's Cafe on 4th and Junipero, we all go down the street to Cherry and Ocean. Down the Bluff there is a big mural, and that is where we will be. Or, just follow the sound of the music. 10PM - Midnight.

Bring your words, music, or just your positive energy.

We Welcome All.

Overcoming Fear- First Open Mic Night!

I am so high on life I can hardly focus right now. I have spent years living amongst fear and insecurity, building my own walls to keep me from doing what I truly love. I have played the violin for 14 years, but I have been playing from the soul for 4 or 5. I have been to so many open mics, events, jam sessions, and other opportunities where I am too afraid to just play in front of people. I have always prided myself on not caring what others think, but the reality was that I DID.

Until Tonight.

Something about today was just magical. The Stars were aligned. My class was canceled. I woke up to a beautiful, gray morning, a refreshing change from the recent warm days. I Knew that it was Time.

I spent the hours beforehand trying to talk myself into it. I posted my fears on facebook so I would be accountable. I heard much needed words of wisdom and encouragement from my Mentor. Finally, I had no choice but to just go.

On the way I grabbed a shot of Captain Morgan from the store, and played Eminem's "Lose Yourself" on repeat. Right before going inside I took my shot, stalled a bit, started my car to go home, then shook my head and left the safety of my car.

I ordered a Yerba Mate tea, which effectively produced a calming, warming sensation. Several people expressed excitement at having a violinist play at open mic. Others could tell I was an open mic "virgin" and encouraged me. I asked the girl with the list of there were any spots, she said there most certainly were spots, and handed me the list to sign my name. The moment of Truth.

Of Course I signed my name. I may have been ridden with fear, but when it comes down to the Moment Of Truth, I never back down. No way I will let fear rule my life forever, and it was Now or Never.

I stepped outside to tune my violin, and heard a few yell, "Dont run away!" I talked to a couple guys who played Djembe and Guitar. They were awesome and totally eased my fears. Then, my violin went drastically out of tune and I panicked. I thought about going home. I took a deep breath, repeated cheesy Star Wars quotes to myself regarding "The Force" and managed to tune my violin. Then, my name was called.

As I went to the small stage, I heard someone yell that I was an Open Mic Virgin, and everyone cheered and shouted words of encouragement. I made some joke about imagining them all naked, and someone shouted, "NICE!" I set up my poetry and plucked my strings to test it out.

(The poetry I read are the 2 poems in the last 2 posts I wrote. I combined them, then separated them into sections. I improvised on the violin in between the sections.)

My Intro began, deep and dark, my violin mourning and crying the tears I felt deep inside as I realized I was about to express something so deep and personal to these people. Not just the depth of my words, but the depth of my soul. My fears melted away and were replaced with passion and life.

I know my words were shocking. I was telling these people about past abuse, about wanting someone to be taken from the earth for the pain I felt, about how it feels to be so hurt and feel so worthless. I was also expressing my triumph and my desire to fly and be free. By sharing those feelings, along with overcoming my fear, I really felt true liberation from the past, and I felt I could truly end a chapter in my life that had been haunting me for so long.

The words cut through the still air. My notes and my music poured from my soul. I desperately wanted these people to feel how I felt through my music. I wanted them to feel the pain, bitterness, and triumph. And I feel that they did. I connected with them. I heard deep breaths when the words were intense and yet people clapped a rhythm as my violin sung melodies of victory and passion. I felt like my whole life had condensed into that One Moment, my brief 3-5 minutes on a stage, before people with open minds and open hearts, receiving my message with joy and intensity.

Afterward they applauded and cheered and I felt like I was walking on clouds. People spoke to me about jamming, or other events, or collaborating. It was my dream come true. I found my people. I found the expressive, passionate, open-minded people I had been seeking, and they were hiding right under my own fears.

The best part of the night was when my new friends asked me to come jam with them outside. We did a spontaneous, improv jam session. It was a couple amazing drummers, a guitar and me on the violin. It was amazing and sounded like a passionate and beautiful gypsy-like, primitive celebration of life and of the moment. I felt we were vibing and feeling the music. As one would change the others would adjust. The music ebbed and flowed, climaxing and spiraling and stimulating. People watched, and they felt it, and so it was Awesome.

I hardly remember driving home I was so giddy with excitement. I feel as if a whole new chapter has opened for me, full of opportunity and connections and positive light. I feel like a transformation took place in those few moments up there on stage.

Life is so big and so complex, but the most incredible changes happen in just a moment. Lives are changed with one decision. Realization and enlightenment happens in the blink of an eye.

Fear is so powerful in that it keeps so many from experiencing true happiness. Fear paralyzes us and imprisons us. I know I will feel Fear again, but I will be that much stronger at overcoming it now that I have done this.

My violin is so incredible precious and dear to me. I love it for giving me an outlet to express my intense emotions. Words will never be enough. Words will never EVER be enough. My violin and I shall travel the World together, bringing music to all and sharing positive energy and hope. We will mourn together and rejoice together. Together my violin and I can change the world an change lives. As you can see I feel Invincible right now!!!! There is no greater High than overcoming fear and proving to yourself that you can do amazing things.

Above everything I am grateful to my Nonni, who is always with me in my heart for every note. Although she rests in peace, her spirit lives on and brings me power and joy. She inspired me to play violin at age 10, and I will never ever pick up my bow without seeing her smile and hearing her say to me with a chuckle, "You really are something else!"