Shadowman

the Time is looming near

Please Shadowman, I need you now more
than ever

Please visit me in my Dreams
and bring me your comforting presence

Follow the path of my tears
calm my beating heart

Shadowman I beg you
Help me ease this pain

Please visit me once more
my Spirit is Yours forever

Magic from Conversation

I can think of some of the most stimulating points in my life, times that stick to my memory and that I will never forget. Many things have happened to me that are precious, such as stepping off the plane arriving to Ghana, or realizing my true purpose in life. Many things have been stimulating, be it a good movie, good sex, or a cherished moment or two. However nothing leaves my body tingling with excitement for life, as much as a conversation can.

I still remember a conversation I had a few years ago that changed my life to this day. I remember a conversation where I left feeling like a new life had begun, and this person's words had revealed the truth to me.

I met a homeless man on the street one day. The conversation I had with him continues to amaze me and remind me of the things I learned from him.

A few weeks ago I attended a meet up consisting of Intuitives, of people whose personality closely resembles my own. The conversation we all had left me feeling high on life for a week before I finally settled down.

Last night I went to the studio and I heard my own thoughts come out of another's mouth. I heard things that I felt I had only thought. I said things that I knew would be understood. As we spoke our energies seemed to grow and expand, and a connection was formed. During the night I felt disassociated with reality, and in the morning I awoke in a daze.

When I begin to doubt humanity, when I feel myself hating people, all I need to do is remember that the most magical moments of my life have been experienced with another human being. Not having sex, not dining or going somewhere, but simply talking.

Our mouths are merely vessels that transform our thoughts in to words, and conversation is Human's way of connecting with others.

More Fetishes

Looners: People who are sexually aroused by balloons

Ponyplay: People who enjoy role playing as ponys.

Plushies/Furries: People who enjoy dressing up in furry animal gear

Technosexuality: People who are sexually aroused by robots


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Nonni

You can see in her eyes a new wisdom that can only come from obtaining the knowledge that you will not be on this earth next year. She knows that she is going to die, and she cherishes every moment. In the big scheme of things, death is just another part of the circle of life. Yet as I live on and she withers away, I can not help but feel the intense tragedy of it all. When my family members cry on my shoulder I feel more than their wet tears seeping in to my skin, I feel a whole lifetime of memories.

I played her favorite songs last night, for Mother's Day. I played for her the Ave Maria, Bach's Air in the G String, and Vivaldi's Spring and Summer (adagio). When I finished I saw her wet eyes gaze at me with pride, and I knew that she had felt my love for her in the notes that I played.

Later that night as we shared an embrace, she told me to please "Be careful out there," to which I replied, "I am not going anywhere tonight Nonni."

She said: "I know, but please hear my voice telling you to Be Careful and to Be Safe anywhere you go, even after I am gone."

Her voice will never leave my head.

People are sick and twisted.

I want Everything to do with it.

Flaneuring: My new fave activity

Flaneuring: Psychogeograpcial Derive.

How to Flaneur:

1. Stroll
2. Observe
3. Take pictures

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Sometimes Ill be driving, and I wish I was walking.
Sometimes Ill see a dark corner or interesting bench, and I just want to sit there.
Why don't I sit there? Perhaps I am too busy, or on my way somewhere. Perhaps I feel it is a waste of my time to sit in some random spot, just for the sake of sitting.

My perspective has been altered. I have found a new appreciation for simply walking, sitting, and observing. There is a whole world happening. I may not be able to see it all right now, but I CAN see what is happening, over here, at this moment. You do not need to go to a museum to see beauty, nor do you need to look at magazines or browse the internet. There is beauty everywhere, if you simply look. Look closely and you will see a tree. Look closer and you will see the marks in the tree left by people who noticed it before you. Look even closer, and you will appreciate the texture and design of the bark, and you will love the tree for all of its years and all of its glory.

Below is a link to the article that I read which inspired me to sit in those spots that I wonder about and walk the streets that seem so dull and boring. What I have discovered, is that there is very little that is boring about this world and this life. I have included some photos taken from some of my Flaneuring adventures. I encourage you to go for a walk and take along a camera.

You may look at your pictures a day later and think they are ridiculous or boring. However I guarantee that you will not be thinking that when you notice the object you are shooting and capture that moment in time. In the end, you may end up with interesting photos. Or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is meditation, appreciation, and observation of life.

http://www.mookychick.co.uk/travel/flaneur.php "

[The street photographer] is roving and impassioned, preserving the least traces, the changing reflections, the course of things, the movement of the city, the confessions, antipathies, and admirations of the crowd."

Photography I

I would not call myself a photographer, professional, or even an amateur. However, I do love to capture moments and interesting things with my camera. These are few random pics I took in my room.

First ever cooked meal

After years of fear and discomfort when it comes to anything relating to cooking or preparing food, I have finally cooked my own meal.....with a stove!

Grocery stores overwhelmed me and made me feel helpless. With no knowledge of basic terminology or techniques, I was at a loss when it came to fueling my body without the help from others or worse: corporations who process their foods.

My first ever cooked meal was a simple spinach pasta with lots of veggies. It was very yummy and I was so proud! I included photos of my first ever cooking adventure. This is the beginning of a new and healthy life with little to no processed foods.

Cuddle Parties

Humans crave affection and comfort. No one can deny the waves of pleasure that ensues when being "spooned" or cuddled.

In major cities across the country, a phenomenon called "cuddle Parties" has been satisfying the needs of people of all ages.

The below description was taken from the Cuddle party Website.

What a Cuddle Party Is: A structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good.

This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others.

Can Cuddle Party restore your faith in humanity? It just might. But at the very least, you'll have a great time, and leave feeling relaxed and inspired.

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Cuddle Parties contain rules such as "No Means No," and "Clothes stay on." Clearly, these are non-sexual, positive events meant to provide a safe and comfortable environment for those who are craving a little human touch in their lives.

Cuddle Parties provide an escape for people. They re-energize and rejuvenate people, and leave them with positive vibes and a great feeling. According to testimonies, the parties are healing and provide people with that bit of intimacy that we need without having to commit to a relationship or sex.

Most other cultures are more "touchy feely" than ours. In some European cultures a kiss is used to greet, and in many primitive cultures people spend a lot of time dancing with each other and being intimate, be it physical or not. Human intimacy is not a priority in American culture, and in fact we have turned in to a tense, cold, and distant society, suspicious of those around us and hesitant to touch or even speak to one another. What results is a void and a longing for affection.

Many may fill this void with drugs or alcohol, while others may find themselves deeply effected emotionally by such a lack of intamacy. People often feel lonely even when surounded by friends and peers and people who love them. Others simply become cold and distant and continue to pass their cultural programming to future generations, creating a society of strangers and suspicion. Some people may participate in casual sex to try and achieve what they are seeking, but orgasm does not equal affection.

While many may view these cuddle parties as goofy, cheesy, or weird, I see it as a healthy outlet for people and a way to bring human intimacy in to your life without the pressure of committment. In addition, I believe it would be healthy and liberating for people to be intimate with others, just for the sake of comforting other human beings. We are all people and we should all celebrate our similarities and differences.

We all know what it is like to feel pain, just as we all know how good it feels to have an arm around you or simply connect energies with a big bear hug.

Below is a link to the official Cuddle Party website.

http://www.cuddleparty.com/

Newly discovered subcultures to check out, going Undercover

Zombie fighters

Live Action Role Play

Real life Super Heroes

Trekkies (Nothing new, but I just decided to explore)

Urban Spelunking

Free Runners

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I have my work cut out for me, but a very interesting life ahead of me indeed.

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Why do I believe I can accomplish a great project or book about Subculture? What makes me feel I can do better than those out there? Well I still have a lot of reading and checking out to do. I went on Amazon and I took a look at the following books, and then I found reasons why mine will be awesome and more appealing. This is based on description and reviews, but I still need to read them. Here are a few:

Subculture: The Meaning of Style, 2nd Edition New Accents Library (The New Accent) (Hardcover)

by DICK HEBDIGE

----This book appears to be focusing on style and fashion. The author bases his knowledge on history and observation.

I will look at subculture from a participant point of view, and actually experience the life of those involved. Rather than focusing on fashion, i will focus on the human aspect, and what draws people to their world of choice

Subculture: The Meaning of Style (New Accents) (Paperback)

by Dick Hebdige


-----Appears to contain insightful and intelligent content, but focuses on Post war subculture, mostly related to music. I will be exploring subcultures that are rarely heard of, many of which have little to do with music or war.

Inside Subculture: The Postmodern Meaning of Style (Dress, Body, Culture) (Paperback)

by David Muggleton


---Focuses on Style and is written "almost exclusively for specialists in the field."This is also a book whose arguments are built off those in the above book by Dick Hebdige.

After Subculture: Critical Studies in Contemporary Youth Culture (Paperback)

by Andy Bennett (


---Appears to be a short book, only 256 pages. How in depth can you get with 256 pages? Looks to be just an overview.

Subculture: The Fragmentation of the Social (Paperback)

by Professor Chris Jenks


---This book looks very insightful and in-depth, with extensive analysis pertaining to history and philosophy. This book looks truly interesting, but the author is again writing as an outsider, not as an insider. Very scholarly and great for academic purposes.

The Call of the Weird: Travels in American Subcultures (Hardcover)

by Louis Theroux (Author)


----This book looks great and I love how the author actually interviews and hangs out with his "subjects." He appears to have a fantastic and ironic sense of humor, and he includes quotes and personal experience. Also, he explores a variety of subcultures, some of which are not well known at all. I like the following quote and conclusion: "On the list of qualities necessary to humans trying to make out way through life, truth scores fairly low...in the end, feeling alive is more important than telling the truth....We are instruments for feeling, faith, energy, emotion, significance, belief, but not really truth."

Embracing the Darkness; Understanding Dark Subcultures (Paperback)

by Corvis Nocturnum


--This one is definitely more of what I am going for. The author is a "dark" member of society who explores his world with the kind of curiosity, seeker of truth type of mindset that intrigues me. This book only focuses on Dark subculture.


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Again, I have not read these books yet. I have a long journey ahead of me. Even if no book or work comes out of this, I will still have lived a life walking many different paths. I will still have met interesting people, and I would still have a great repertoire on humanity and the many facets of our world and culture.

Most...almost ALL people who I talk to do not understand what it is I am trying to accomplish. Perhaps I am not even clear.

I am a studyer of Anthropology. An Anthropologist is a direct participant in the cultures they study. They learn from those they observe, and they actively immerse themselves in the culture to which they have commited themselves to. The above authors have not done this. I will.

I will become friends with these people. I will participate in their rituals or ceremonies or activities. I will use their slang and terminology. I will dress as a medievel night and live action role play. I will donate my blood to vampires and watch Star Trek marathons if I have to. I will prepare for zombie battles and explore abandoned buildings.

When you observe people from the outside, your knowledge is limited. You will only hear or know what they want you to know. When you are ONE with them, when they trust and relate to you, that is when you really find out what its all about.

Its the same as undercover cops. You do not really know what is going on until you are a participant in the action.

I will be going undercover, and I will share my experiences with the world and hopefully spread a deeper appreciation for the diverse and varied interests and desires of humanity.