Dream to Live

What will you be when you GROW UP?
DEAD.
I will never stop growing. The day I stop growing in any and every aspect of my life, is the day i will DIE. Maybe i will not die physically, but I may as well, because I will be dead on the inside.
I will always thirst for more knowledge, I will always have the desire to see more of the world and experience the pleasures and pains that it holds. Pleasure doesn't exist without pain. if one does not appreciate Pain, then they do not deserve pleasure.

I was thinking about a day in my life that i will never forget. On this day, I was on my way to go take my life. I was alone and ready to give it all up. I could never relate again to that day emotionally, because I have advanced so far in my mind and spirit. I was driving along in my red Ford Escort with all my necessary tools to put myself through the worst experiences possible, because I no longer gave two shits or a fuck what happened to me, and my only desire was to blind myself with so much Pain that I would become numb to the world's blows. So there I was, driving down PCH to the beach, sobbing uncontrollably, and every ounce of Fire inside of me had burned out.

Then I heard a song on the radio. "No Woman No Cry" by Bob Marley was playing on one of the normally shitty LA radio stations. it was then, that something magical happened. I began to Dream again. As I listened to that song the tears slowed down, and a vision entered my head. The vision and feeling of sitting on a beach. I could feel the sand in my toes, .. could hear the song playing, and there were great big pits of fires burning. I could smell the ashes and the food burning on sticks, I could smell the burning herbs making everyone irie....and yes there were people there, i was no longer alone. There were wonderful, happy people and we were all sharing this great moment of Peace, beauty, and Freedom.

It was this Dream, that caused me to turn my car around, and go back home. It was this image that could spark the fire inside of me again. Just the flicker of hope that I could one day experience that amazing scenario, was enough to live another day. And another, and another.
Until November 23rd, 2006. Around One Year later.

When the Dream that kept me from taking my own life, finally came alive.
Now, I have the world to live for. I would never want to Die. I know my time will come, but until then, I will do what I can to keep my precious life. I have so much to live for. But on that day, I had only ONE thing to live for. And it was the Dream.

I consider that night, the most beautiful night of my life, so far. As I sat on the beach, with the sand in my toes, goat burning in huge fire pits, herbs burning making everyone IRiE, dancing and moving my body freely to the song, just having the time of my life. ..I looked back on the girl I left behind. here I was, living the exact dream that I had that day. I felt so Incredibly FREE and wonderful, like I was apart of the earth, like I had found my place in the world.
Far too many people under-estimate the power of a dream, and the power of actually LIVING that dream.

Nobody can EVER take that away from me. That moment is mine, and mine only to hold forever in my memories and in my mind. That moment is my veangeance to those who tried to take me down. It is my pride for when I fail. It is my happiness when I am down. That moment fuels me, inspires me, encourages me, and loves me. It is APART of me.