Overcoming Fear (repost)

While in the mountains with a cherished friend and his family, I had an experience which brought realization and clarity about the process of overcoming fear. I noticed different stages in the process which I found resembled my own life and experience.

FEAR
DELIBERATION
ACCEPTANCE
TRIUMPH

Overcoming fear is a vital part of achieving growth and success in life. As an anti-social aspiring violinist, I have realized that I will not get anywhere with my music if I hide and hope. I need to take action and overcome certain fears, such as meeting people and playing in front of them. Obvious right? Yet for me, frightening.

While in the mountains a couple people mentioned a night hike, and I jumped at the chance to experience the peace and tranquillity of night in the forest. Out of the car and at the beginning of the trail, my excitement quickly transformed into fear, and I could not remember why I wanted to embark on this adventure in the first place.

Now this night was moonless, so it was extra dark. The black of the night seemed to envelope us, and it was so quiet. Unable to enjoy the peace, I nervously wondered what animals could be hiding in the shadows waiting to attack, or if some psycho would be residing somewhere up ahead. In my mind I knew that there was little to fear in the safe and populated mountains of family-friendly Big Bear California. However, it was the Unknown which drove me to fear.

Onward we walked, into the dark, without flashlights, into the forest. I was trembling and my head was filled with horrible images and unlikely events. My head jerked with each sound, and I felt trapped. This is the first stage. I like to call it: FEAR.

This is a familiar feeling. It is similar to the feeling I had at LAX before I stepped on a plane, alone, to go to Africa. I also recall having this feeling when auditioning for a symphony after a 3 year hiatus. Experiences such as those involve overcoming fear, in addition to dangerous situations such as having a knife held to your throat or worse. I can think of many instances in my life where I was afraid, and it is paralyzing. This is the crucial time where you make the decision to give in, or to overcome.

I halted on the trail. I wanted to go back. Screw this. The comfort and safety of the car or cabin appealed to me, and I did not wish to remain in this world of uncertainty. I felt this same feeling my first day for the symphony. On that night, I stood outside the door listening to the strings for an hour, paralyzed with fear of humiliation and insecurity. On that night, I stood for an hour and let my fear overcome me, and I walked back to my car in defeat, back to the comfort of my home, without having achieved anything. My temporary relief did not bring me any closer to success or growth with my music.

Onward we went. This next stage is called: DELIBERATION
In our minds we weigh the pros and cons of action. To overcome fear, we need to convince ourselves that the outcome can and will be fine. In this situation, I felt pretty afraid that I would be eaten alive and never to be found. However I kept thinking of my dreams of living in the Amazon jungle, and by doing this I was training myself for the future. I recalled wandering through the bush in Africa with no light, and realized it had been more dangerous than this small endeavor. I remembered that I was in good company, and that if they were unafraid why shouldn't I be? I imagined reaching the top and experiencing the moment and view ahead.

My first night at the symphony did not result in successful deliberation. In that instance, I convinced myself that I would walk in and be humiliated, and once I started playing the entire group would look at me in disdain at having tarnished their beautiful music. The next week, I thought about how proud my Nonni would be if I were in a symphony, and how magical it would feel to be apart of something great. I remembered how far I had come as a violinist, and imagined how I would feel on a stage with a full symphony, my Nonni smiling at me from the audience. That night, I overcame my insecurities and fears, and I took the first step into the abyss.

Once deliberation is over, you have decided to step forward or turn back. Lets assume you step forward, since this is the process of overcoming fear, not giving in to it. At this point you are still uncertain, but the shock is a bit worn off. You still tremble, but have the confidence to act. I like to call this stage: ACCEPTANCE.

You have accepted your decision to move forward, despite your fear. Congrats! There is no turning back now. You feel a little proud of yourself, yet a part of you wonders if you did the right thing. As I continued my journey through the darkness, my eyes adjusted, and I began to feel silly about my previously overwhelming emotions. The moonless sky was littered with stars that I was blind to only 5 minutes before. I was surounded by a quiet that I had always longed for, but did not notice through my racing thoughts.

My bow was hesitant at first, but soon found it's stride. I had more off moments than ones of glory, but despite my flaws I rediscovered those triumphant moments of pure, unified, musical bliss.

This stage is called: TRIUMPH
I was filled with adrenaline as I stumbled over rocks and quickened my pace. I knew the top was near. A turn of a curve and I had reached the view that had been our mission. I sat on a rock and relished in the starlit expanse before me, no longer obstructed by trees or shadows. I sat and listened to the silence, taking the ultimate comfort in our presence there. It was near 3am in the morning, and I was on the top of a mountain feeling more alive and human than ever.

I took my seat with the violins and anticipated the first note. The symphony climaxed and crescendoed, and timeless, glorious music filled the ears of those listening, including my Nonni.
I felt cool water trickle down my body as I bathed in the sunlight, serenaded by the harmonies and magic of West African chanting, looking over a view of green hills and bright bush. I followed the beat of the drum and it took me places I never imagined, and some that I had dreamt of.

These moments of triumph are all the result of Overcoming Fear. The process is grueling, but the outcome is divine. These experiences add to our strength. Some experiences are life-altering, and some are just a little extra padding to support your life journey. Many are reality checks, and you realize that things are not so bad afterall, and perhaps we should just chill out and stop worrying.

Most of us have fears that currently hold us back. I know I do. Are you too comfortable? How is that box working out for you?

My fear right now is putting myself out there. I want to play my violin out on the street like a crazed gypsy. I want to express my music as people wander by. I want to be the soundtrack to their moment.

Will I take the step and overcome these fears like I know I can? Or will I keep making amateur youtube videos in the comfort of my room?

The process is grueling, but the outcome is divine.

FEAR DELIBERATION ACCEPTANCE TRIUMPH