Running Away with a Purpose. -Disturbing Dream + Insight

Ah, weekend naps and the journeys they take me on. Today I had a terrifying dream, with one aspect of comfort. It left me delirious.

This dream took me right in to the shoes of a young Jewish girl, around 10, maybe younger, in a labor camp during the Holocaust. This is the first dream I have ever had where I was completely taken from my life and thrust in to the body of another. I had two sisters and a mother, who was killed by gun shortly after arrival. My sisters were older and quiet, but I was the clever one. For the first few days we did what we were told, but then I began to get curious. Still naive to the danger I was in, I would go exploring.

The dream flashed from older, grayish historical settings, to urban modern scenes. It was kind of like that Romeo and Juliet movie with Leonardo Dicaprio.

While exploring I came across a storm drain next to a park. I began walking along the storm drain when I spotted Nazi soldiers having a fire and party in the park. I tried to hide as best as I could when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned and met the eyes of a man whose face was partially blurred, but his piercing eyes touched my soul. He took my hand and asked me what I was doing. I never spoke, only listened. He had immense power over me. I felt like I was in a Trance. Before I knew it I was back at the Labor camp, feeling like it had all been a Dream.

His presence haunted my mind and imagination, and I felt obsessed with seeing him again. I felt he was my savior. My Sisters were worried and begged me to stay in the camp and not appease my curiosity, but I found myself back at the Storm Drain. I walked through the park that night, growing older with every step. The mist clouded my vision and the cool, crisp night enhanced my senses. Now, as myself, in the present, not as a Jewish girl, I found him, facing away towards the full moon, mist flowing around his figure. I saw that he wore a soldier's uniform, and he put his hand out for me. I took his hand and became immersed in his trance once again. Then, back at the Labor Camp, as a young Jewish girl.

A loud noise woke me, and the voices of German soldiers cut through the night. We were being herded together and headed toward a different area of camp. A cloud of doom enveloped me, and I knew I had to get away. I managed to help my sisters escape and we were running through the forest. A large structure appeared in the distance and we went to it. We ran up wooden steps, through a large theater and a room with a chandelier, and reached more steps. We 3 little Jewish girls ran up and ran into German ladies who looked at us with disgust, but were busy pampering and packing their things, to apparently move out of this house they were in. We ran into a room still reeking of perfume, locked the door, and hid behind a large arm chair. Soon we feel asleep.

*I woke up at this part of the dream. I then drifted back to sleep and it continued:

Sunlight filled the room, and we awoke to the sound of marching footsteps. An entire fleet of German Soldiers were marching towards us. We were next to a window now, and I could see. I felt Dread creep up my body and fill my chest, my fear was overwhelming and I knew that death was approaching. They marched up the steps and lined up next to the window. A command was given to ease, and we saw the soldiers take their hats off. The leader, a nasty looking fellow with bad teeth, saw my hiding, and promptly opened the door.

This was the most vivid part of my dream. He knew how intimidating he was to me, he knew the power he had over me, and he relished in it. He Fed off it. He loved every excruciating moment it took to walk towards me, squat down, and place his cruel face right over mine. I was shaking uncontrollably and my sisters were crying. He did not seem to care for my sisters, but gazed upon me with a triumphant grin, eager to crush my spirit and every ounce of life within me. I did not cry but instead held his gaze with utter fear. I spoke, "I am so sorry sir...." but was interupted by a wicked slap across the face. It was then that my cheek burned and my face reddened. He asked me if I was the little shit that had been wandering about the park and storm drain, and I replied "Yes." He told me that I should have Burned with the others, the night before, but now he would be able to deal with me personally. He began taunting me, and then he began poking me and pinching me profusely, and slapped me around. The other soldiers looked on with amusement. One came and cut the throat of my oldest sister, while the other screamed. The lead soldier was on top of me, and I looked over his shoulder and saw a glimpse of light.

The man from the park was strolling surounded by a glimmering aura, and the soldiers became silent. He approached and ordered the lead soldier to stop. He held my eyes and took my hand.

Then I woke up.

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After thoughts:

The settings of this dream were probably inspired by my last week. I watched 2 Holocaust movies, Schindlers List, and The Boy In The Striped Pajamas. The Storm Drain was inspired due to an Urban Exploration adventure I took last Sunday where I went under LA to check out the art and grafitti. The cruel leader of the soldiers probably represents a past abusive relationship, and the man in the Mist is the same man that has appeared in my dreams since childhood, also known as "The Shadowman."

I am in a period of my life where I feel vulnerable, yet Curious. I am currently imprisoned by my own mind, unable to reach the next level of freedom within myself. I feel like my days are wasted away working and I crave new experiences. I want to feel passionate, meaningful, and free. Yet my fear stifles my spirit.

I constantly feel like I am running away from one thing, and running towards another.

Running away with a purpose.

Fear of crushing my demons. The need to be submissive and overpowered, yet without abuse and pain.

The desire for a magical, misty, Moment.

The desire to be Understood, the desire to be Set Free.